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"The 59 Minute Baseball Practice"  
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Football QuotesMost football teams are temperamental. That's 90% temper and 10% mental.-Doug Plank
One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.
I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.
Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.
Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.
I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.
When in doubt, punt!
The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.
Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important -like a league game or something.
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.
I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.
Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time.
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis.
You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.
At the base of it was the urge, if you wanted to play football, to knock someone down, that was what the sport was all about, the will to win closely linked with contact.
Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured.
When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
I do not like football, which I think of as a game in which two tractors approach each other from opposite directions and collide. Besides, I have contempt for a game in which players have to wear so much equipment. Men play basketball in their underwear, which seems just right to me.
Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it.
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass.
I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.
He was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference.
Trying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer.
There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.
Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.
Speed is not your fastest, but your slowest man. No back can run faster than his interference.
When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids.
Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.
Speed, strength, and the inability to register pain immediately.
The tactical difference between Association Football and Rugby with its varieties seems to be that in the former the ball is the missile, in the latter men are the missiles.
What about football? Is it a sport or a concussion?
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
I don't like to lose, and that isn't so much because it is just a football game, but because defeat means the failure to reach your objective. I don't want a football player who doesn't take defeat to heart, who laughs it off with the thought, 'Oh, well, there's another Saturday.' The trouble in American life today, in business as well as in sports, is that too many people are afraid of competition. The result is that in some circles people have come to sneer at success if it costs hard work and training and sacrifice.
In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
Describing an opposing team: Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.
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